Monday, July 11, 2016

Peace

     When I was expecting our 6th child, I was anxious and scared and my mind was buzzing, "OMG we are going to have 6 kids!!! How am I going to do this??!" Not with this baby though. I have such peace about it and I am really looking forward to enjoying our 7 children. I must say though, God had been preparing me and opened my heart to receive this baby.



     Thinking back to December 2015, I was sure I was pregnant, I had all the usual signs, and I was brought low by this possibility. I cried several times. I even told a dear friend how I didn't want any more children, that I was struggling as it is.. with the children, the house, schooling, cooking, and things just were not right to add another child to the mix. She kept reassuring me though, listening to my fears, praying for me. Little by little I started warming up to the idea of having another baby, I started to accept the blessing. And when my cycle came, I was devastated. Truly devastated and I cried. More than that, I was shocked by these feelings because for sure I thought they would be feelings of relief, not ones of sorrow!

    It was in that moment that I had decided to let it be in Gods hands. And in January I was with child, most definitely for real this time. We were so excited. We were ready for this baby. We wanted this baby! Sadly, a few days after seeing those two pink lines, I started to lose that child. I was so lost. So confused. If God had wanted to bless me with a child why did He take it away? I continued to pray and ask Him to guide me and to guide my heart. Another month passed and I was still without child. My mind kept screaming, "Why God? Why did you prepare me for such a wonderful blessing but withholding it now?" I was getting impatient. Seems silly now that I look back.

     In March, I started to feel those telltale pregnancy signs again. I took several tests, even before my cycle was due, I was anxious and excited. With each negative test, I chose not to lose hope, "These things aren't 100% accurate anyway," I kept telling myself. Until one day, that double pink line appeared. It was very faint, barely there, but I could see it. Even still I kept thinking, maybe I'm just seeing what I want to see, not what's really there. The next day I purchased a digital test.. and it said PREGNANT. My heart rejoiced! I wanted to scream from rooftops! That morning I told the chickadees the wonderful news and every one of them rejoiced with me. Together we brainstormed on how to tell Mr. Chickadee and then set out to purchase some supplies. That evening we told daddy the joyous news.

     Although Mr. Chickadee never wanted to know the gender of any of our children, I did and we found out with the first 5. With our 6th though, I decided to let Mr. Chickadee have his surprise and I quite enjoyed it. It gave me that extra something I needed to help me in the last months of the pregnancy. When Timothy was born, and I pulling him out of the water, I was the first one to find out. Not an ultrasound technician. Not the obstetrician. ME. It was such a different and wonderful experience, I decided to not find out with this baby as well. I am now 21 weeks and we are patiently awaiting the arrival of our precious baby.


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